hey but that’s life..

In a world filled with billions, it’s hard to stand out. Often I find myself shunned into the shadows of those who dare to speak up, not afraid of failure or embarrassment. The thing is, I don’t wish to stand out. I am quite comfortable blended into the community. All I ask for is the people who matter to me most pause and listen to what I have to say with their hearts, not only just their ears. It’s so hard to try and get the only people who are your columns of support to listen to what you have to say as it’s always drowned by their constant nagging, lectures, words of “wise advice”. Their reason? Because they have gone through all the hardships of life and they know better, and end with the famous phrase of “This is all for your own good.” What do you know about what is good for me if you don’t listen to what I have to say or want? I would like to see where this detrimental phrase would take me if I jumped off the building now because I can’t take any more of this bullcrap.

I feel so helpless and search for anyone within my social radius who would be willing to listen..but I know there’s no one. No one will ever understand how I feel right now. I am not good in elaborating so words will never be able help you to picture the turmoil my state of mind is in right now. Anyway, so what if I tell the whole world? There is nothing anyone can do at the end of the day. I will still be stuck in this god forsaken shit hole. And I absolutely hate myself for not having the guts till this day to move out. Invincible chains of fear grip my wrists and calves tightly.

I am 21 and still under the mercy of my father and mother, with no stand of independence, reduced to venting my frustrations on an online blog few will ever come across. How pathetic is that?

HOLY NOVAA

I should have never submitted the UK UCAS application form because I know if I were given an offer I’d be swayed. I’ve already decided on sticking with UNSW since my mom has already paid for the enrollment, the accommodation and my visa. Still, it feels kinda heart wrenching when I saw my offer from Edinburgh College of the Arts. On the lighter note, OMG I got in, though I’m not going, I GOT IN.

Eventually, time heals all wounds. I am finally feeling it.

kiss from a rose

It’s blasting on repeat now as I focus on my newsletter assignment. I don’t know why, but I’m smiling as I listen with my heart and insides all tickling. For a split second, I could almost feel myself running trough the rain feeling so so carefree, not a single crease of worry, to feel the wind tugging on the pins of your hair and the water droplets tickling your skin. I am suddenly reminded that I haven’t felt this way in a long time.